Imperfect Vegan

If I knew how much every facet of my health would improve by going vegan, I might have take fewer detours on my way here

An Imperfect Vegan

My plant-based journey began more than thirty years ago. That first attempt at veganism lasted less than a month, during which time I packed on ten pounds. How did I gain weight by eating nothing but plants? I spread peanut butter on practically everything. I tried most of the vegan baked goods in Manhattan and binged on pasta drenched in olive oil. When I could no longer zip up my size 8 jeans (I refused to venture into double-digit sizing), I bailed on my noble goal of not eating animals and looked for an easy way to lose weight instead.

Back then, I could not hold steady to my principles when something I valued became too uncomfortable. As an animal lover from early childhood — during which I was blessed to grow up with a range of species as companion animals — I gravitated naturally toward veganism. But I could only avoid harming anyone, including animals, if my own comfort was not threatened. And I could not prioritize anything over my obsession with my body.

I turned to a biomechanical nutritionist, a guy I traveled to Long Island to see. Tip: If a self-indulgent service is not available in Manhattan, you probably don’t need it. After running twenty-five hundred dollars’ worth of uninsured blood tests, the nutritionist prescribed, to combat my low serotonin and dopamine levels, an animal-centric diet that was heavy on pork and light on pretty much everything else. He also directed me to take a slew of amino acid and vitamin B supplements that cost hundreds of dollars monthly. I was supposed to reach both my ideal weight and brain function within eight weeks. Three months later, when the only change I saw was to my bank account, I bailed on the nutritionist, meat, and vitamins.

Back on my version of a vegetarian diet — no land animals, but plenty of fish (especially sushi), eggs, and dairy — I still was looking for a magic bullet that would make me feel better about my food choices and stave off cravings for sweets while helping me lose ten pounds. (I always needed to lose ten pounds, except when my eating got way out of control, and I needed to lose twenty.)

I got into yoga and went back on a vegan diet. Instead of peanut butter, I spread raw almond butter on everything. Instead of pasta drenched in olive oil, I ate quinoa drizzled in olive oil. I was at peace, if not with my weight, at least with my cruelty-free food choices.

Then, in my early 40s, I took up Chinese acrobatics and flying trapeze in a big way. That’s a whole other story. What is relevant here is that I convinced myself I needed more protein. Protein shakes. Protein bars. Collagen shots. Whey turned into a gateway animal product. Before long, I was scarfing down chicken breasts and an occasional steak. I ate fish almost daily.

When my circus arts obsession finally dissolved in my late 40s, I gave up all land and water animals, including eggs. The last vestige of my non-vegan diet was dairy. I was certain my Greek yoghurt was fine, and I was not causing cows harm. I got into recovery for my compulsive eating and exercise and finally achieved my ideal weight — which I’ve maintained for fifteen years — without doing anything wacky.

Then, in 2010, a friend asked me if I’d be willing to watch the trailer for Earthlings and forego dairy for just one day. I made it through thirty seconds of the trailer and went all-in on a vegan diet at that moment.

I’ve been vegan — imperfectly — ever since.

I remember buying throw pillows for my new apartment, bringing them home, cutting off the tags, and then realizing down is from ducks and geese. It was years before I stopped buying leather shoes, purses, wallets, and other accessories. It’s still hard not to buy leather shoes. Not hard, as in hard to find; hard, as in hard not to want leather shoes. I am a proud dog momma and I do not try to force my vegan lifestyle on my dog.

If you’re still reading, welcome to my Substack. As a wellness writer for the past thirty-two years, I’ve immersed myself in researching healthy lifestyle habits. Along the way, I’ve become a 500-hour-certified yoga instructor and a Reiki master. I’ve taken Pilates teacher training courses and studied nutrition. Perennial will be a great source for everyone who wants wellness tips and stories, and quick-and-easy main course and dessert recipes, and for folks who want to grow old gracefully and healthfully.

As the social media manager for a farm animal sanctuary, I’m also going to share cute animal stories, photos, and videos.

Some things I will not do: I will not post graphic photos of distress of any kind. I will not try to bludgeon anyone into adapting my lifestyle. I will not condemn you for not being vegan. Perennial is an inclusive place to visit if you are into wellness.

I’d love to hear from you. Do you have wellness goals for 2024? Please share in the comments.

---